Almost all couples usually discuss a few things discussed before they deliver the baby , similarly my husband and I did the same, We would have long discussions about the upbringing, culture and a lot of other things which felt important to each one. Often, these discussions would conclude abruptly as we were first time parents and didn’t know what to expect exactly out of the situation that was about to become a reality.
But, in my mind and heart, I knew how I would like to raise my child considering the things that i liked or not liked of my childhood. However, I am quite sure, Mr.Husband did not have any such pre-notions as such, ‘Will roll as needed’ was the basic motto.
The Baby stage went a little smoothly as it didn’t need much of parenting expertise other than, feeding, changing diapers and spending some play time with our little one.
My son, Reyaan, was effectively a happy child and would barely cry as much for anything at all, other than the sleep time ,which probably made me a Zombie at that time. The real dice rolls, when they become toddlers and you actually have to handle tantrums, milestones, growth spurts and such. I knew what kind of a mother I wanted to become and being communicative, practical, upfront, gender neutral, teaching life skills from the beginning was on my priority list.
My husband & I, both of us had and still have a certain school of thoughts of handling our kid and how our family should function in general.Every parent does. Obviously I liked my ways better, but, I still wouldn’t say his ways ere wrong and that my techniques trumps his. We are basically at team, although we are two absolutely contrast personalities plus have been brought up in totally different family set ups, values, priorities & environment. And these factors surely play a huge role in working upon something together.
Initially, there would be a lot of snapping and objecting each other’s approach and ways. I would pretty much get angry on most things about him handling situations and ended up nagging him all the time.Obviously, this wasnt the best thing to do and our relationship definitely took toll.
We both knew we had to alter our attitudes, change our entire set upand a few steps from both of us were desperately required.
A few changes that I made from myside;
- No perfection Policy: I had to remind myself that there is no right or perfect way to parent. Everyone is trying to their best and so ignore a few things and just let go!
- Stepping back: I always felt the need to meddle or correct my husband every time I thought he is going off track. I tried hard but finally stopped doing it too often and it helped big time.I let him handle the way he likes. After all he is RG’s dad and they can very well sort it out anyway.
- Always communicate: I was a person of too many words when it comes to my husband especially. I am not like this with anyone else really. But that would not be pretty in an already hot situation. So the solution was to express each other’s concerns and address it when we both are calm and too many emotions are not involved. Using the words like, ‘WE’ & ‘US’ would help in maintaining a peaceful conversation.
- Let them make the Bond: I would try really hard to make a bond between the dad & son duo by giving him suggestions to do certain things. Would nag him to spend time, go outdoors, do activities, do activities ,etc. Honestly, it would work for a limited time and then eventually fall off as it wasn’t organic. But, the time he started doing it naturally, their bond just became better than ours too! A natural process of love is incomparable.
- Leave him alone: It was indeed difficult, but i had to leave him alone to handle difficult situations and had stopped giving instructions or a handbook!It wasn’t an easy detaching process, but worth it. Otherwise, how would he be able to handle the real deal?! It made hi, confident and also gave me an assurance of walking the track of equal parenting.
As a first time mother and a reader, I was a keen learner and would indulge in blogs, articles, parenting books,etc which carved a beautiful & unexplored way for me to follow in motherhood. But, he isn’t that kind, which is absolutely fine too, it just took me time to understand and accept his approach and it surely did took him time to understand me and my point of views.
Let’s just say, we are on the same page now (well,most times) and discuss things about Reyaan in a calmer manner as our ultimate objective is to give our son, a happy, loving and healthy childhood.
And trust me, CHILDHOOD is a BIG DEAL!